the wisdom of weakness

For as long as I can remember, I have existed in two worlds: the one in my head and the one outside of me.

And if I had to choose, I’d say I’ve always felt safer inside my own mind.

I wasn’t raised in an abusive home. My childhood wasn’t a war zone, it’s weird to explain…it was happy…I had fun…but it wasn’t nurturing either. I grew up in a home where my parents, let’s just say, they did their best, but their best often meant that my siblings and I had to raise ourselves. I learned quickly that I was on my own, not in a way that made me bitter, but in a way that made me see life differently. I didn’t expect anything from anyone. Not love, not care, not attention. From the moment I could walk and think, I understood that I was just here, and whatever life gave, I had to take as it was. I was a soul with zero expectations. I learned that all I had, all I could hope for, was me.

That kind of upbringing does something to you. It makes you build an entire universe inside your head because, as a child, what else could you do? Imagination became my escape, my playground, my safe space. I was okay with it. Everywhere I went, I adapted. I learned to live without, to be okay with hunger, lack, disappointment, hurt. To endure pain without flinching. Deprivation became my baseline. Pain didn’t scare me. Need didn’t weaken me. I had no threshold because I had never been given the luxury of one. I just was. And if life ever offered sweetness, it was in my imagination, never from the world outside.

I know this sounds sad…but honestly, it made for such a happy life. It made me derive happiness from just me. Isolated, yes, but content, and happy.

People have spent years trying to force me out of my head, trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be this way, that I should want more, that I should need more. That I should have hope and expectations. My stubborn standpoint is that I have always accepted people as they are, so why couldn’t they accept me? Why must my way of existing be a problem? The anger, the exhaustion, the quiet resentment I carried—it all stems from this. From constantly being told that my way of coping, my way of surviving, isn’t the right way. Like I made myself that way….

👀🫥😬…wellllll……

I write you today, gentle reader, because my stuborness clouded my red rimmed glasses…

And I see now, how this has followed me into the business world.

And this coping mechanism is significantly holding me back

Because you see…

“The same self-reliance that kept me alive has also kept me small.”

For the longest time, I thought I was playing a different game from everyone else. Operating from a place of higher abundance, freedom through self deprivation. While others were out there chasing, building, and expanding, I was simply existing. And for a while, that felt like enough.

I didn’t network or put myself out there. I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t chase deals. I didn’t follow up. I was too afraid to!

I see now that this mindset is a form of unintentional self-sabotage. I have built resilience at the cost of expansion. I have learned survival but not pursuit. I have mastered existing but not thriving.

But I am not content with just being anymore.

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Where others see this type of brave but but uncertain list of actions as natural, I see it as foreign. People build relationships, seek funding, and push for growth. Me…I just hope clients come, wish for millions in my account and pray global opportunities find me. Crazy thing is I have insane ambition, lofty dreams and an unstoppable drive. But remember, I keep it inside of me…hoping… Building scenarios where things just find me, hoping the things in my head that I secretly long for land in my lap. It’s not because I’m lazy or lack vision—it’s because I have spent a lifetime training myself not to expect much.

Of course I have been blessed to have amazing things come my way, but still, Imagine if I moved past existing in these walls, and just tried to take some brave but uncertain actions too?…

I am beginning to see that I was never really just existing. Even in my quiet detachment, I was choosing. I was choosing to stay small because small felt safe. I was choosing to let things happen to me instead of making things happen, because expectation always led to disappointment. I was choosing to stay in my head because, for most of my life, reality didn’t seem to have space for me.

Sad thing was, I did not know that I was allowed to take up space.

I have been so comfortable with detachment that attachment feels terrifying. The idea of truly wanting something, and admitting that I want it, that feels dangerous. Because when you don’t expect anything, you can’t be disappointed**.** When you don’t ask, you can’t be refused**.** When you don’t hope, you can’t be let down.

But I am learning that disappointment is not the enemy. That rejection is not the worst thing that can happen. That shrinking myself to avoid being hurt only guarantees that I will never fully live.

I have spent my entire life proving that I can endure. That if I didn’t expect help, I wouldn’t be disappointed. That if I carried everything on my own, I wouldn’t be a burden. That if I stayed in my head, I would always be safe. That I can take whatever comes, and I will be okay no matter what is given…or not given…to me. I am unlearning the idea, I do not always have to survive, to always be fine.

True strength isn’t just about carrying everything on your own. It’s about allowing yourself to be seen, to be helped, to be held. That my business, my vision, and my life can be bigger than what I once thought possible.

The minute I did this, life surprised me.

I met people who saw me; not just the independent, self-sufficient version of me, but the version that had outgrown survival and was ready for more. They looked at me, and saw my exhaustion. People who didn’t just admire my strength but nurtured my potential. People who challenged me to think bigger, to step further, to stop treating my own growth as something optional.

The thing about meeting the right people is that they don’t let you stay where you started.

They stretch you.
They remind you that you are worthy of greatness.
They refuse to let you shrink yourself to fit the version of life you once thought was enough.

I have met people who have poured into me in ways I never expected.
They have spoken life into my ideas.
They have opened doors I didn’t even know existed.

I am deeply thankful for the people who refused to let me disappear into my own mind. The ones who didn’t just admire my resilience, but asked, Do you actually want to do this alone?

The ones who gently, patiently, and sometimes forcefully, reminded me that I don’t have to.

I am grateful for the people who saw the cracks in my armor and didn’t try to break me further, but instead offered me softness. Who didn’t treat my independence as something to exploit but as something to understand. The ones who, when I pushed them away, stood their ground and said, No, I’m staying. They gave without expecting me to earn it, offered without making me prove I deserved it.

If you are one of those people; if you are someone who has pulled me out, even in the smallest of ways…thank you.

Thank you.

I might not have always known how to say it. I might not have always known how to show it. But I see you. I appreciate you. And I am here today, not just because of my strength, but because of your kindness.

Because of the people who have poured into me, I no longer want to stay small. I no longer want to be complacent. I no longer want to believe that my dreams are meant to stay in my head.

I don’t know where this journey will lead. I only know that I am stepping out of the shadows I have lived in for so long. I am no longer waiting for life to happen.

And for the first time, I am excited about what’s ahead.

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To anyone who feels the same way 🧡

• Dreaming big is not a luxury, it’s a choice.
• Go after what you want.
• Networking is not begging…it’s building.
• Allow yourself to be loved.
• Following up is not desperation, it’s determination.
• Wealth is not accidental, it’s created.
• You are allowed to take up space.
• You are allowed to want and ask for more.
• You are allowed to build beyond what you have known.
• You are allowed to receive as much as you give.
• You are allowed to win, not by accident, but because you choose to.
• You are allowed to scale in business and not just “get by”
• You can, and will boldly build a life that feels just as beautiful as your imagination
• Trust that you are not alone.