the scale always balances...

In some rooms, you are the student.
In others, you are the teacher.

In some battles, you stoop to conquer.
In others, you rise and ask “Who the hell do they think they’re talking to?”

In some classes, you’re a beginner.
In others, the expert with all the answers.

In some seasons, you’re the leader.
In others, you’re learning to follow, to trust, to release.

In some situations, you’re the one in need, the beggar.
In others, you’re the giver, the blesser, the safe space.

In some parties, you’re the nobody.
In others, you’re the somebody.

At some tables, you’re the senior voice.
At others, you’re the junior, just finding your place.

In some moments, you are messy, undone, unsure.
In others, you are flawless, effortless, complete.

In some calculations, you come out on top.
In others, you’re underestimated, or overlooked completely.

In some emergencies, you’re alone.
In others, you have all the help you need.

💭…and that’s life

You are not meant to be one thing all the time.
You are many things. And all of them are still you.

Some rooms humble you. Others remind you who you are.

When you weigh it all, sometimes you’re demeaned, in others, uplifted.
But one thing I know for sure: the scale always balances.

---

I’ve had to beg in moments I’d never have imagined. I’ve had to stoop, wondering what I was even conquering. I’ve been the student, the beginner, the beggar, the nobody. I’ve been alone…stooped so low I didn’t recognize myself.

…the rooms that remember me…

Don’t let anyone trick you into believing that any of this is easy.
There are days when everything crashes into you: pride, disappointment, overthinking, expectations, loss, fear, courage, what-if, how-could-they treat me like that, how-will-I do this, who-sent-me, wtf-am-I-even-doing, I should just give up, I’m a loser, I’m a mess, I’m a failure, I will fail, I can do this…
—all. at. once…

Then it hits you. No, REALLY hits you:
It’s all on me.
I have to figure this out. I have to solve this.

Yes, there are people around, but you’re in that room…the one that feels empty.
The one where you’re alone, unsure, a beginner again.
Every mistake blinding.
Every poke a dagger. Your ego telling you not to take this…
Your soul is sensitive. Little things trigger you,
Your thoughts echo harsh reminders. It paints a picture that you cannot get through this. That you are in over your head. It tells you to look at your mates and see how behind you are. How cringe you are…
You become your own echo chamber…and you have to guard what gets in.

I just want to say that the overwhelm washes over me too.
Then I say: “Okay. What now?”

Tutu, you can do this. And if you can’t, what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll be better for it.
It always comes with a lesson anyway.

---

I’m writing this right now in a moment of deep existential ambition fatigue.
May 13th, 2025. I am asking myself, why did I undertake these heavy dreams? I finally had stability. The hard part was over. I had built structure around my company. Then boom…I sense another burden, a new calling, a new dream.

And here I am again, I know nothing about the tech space, nothing about the event space, new to the weight of this room.
New territory. New people. New lessons.
Once again I am a student. A beginner. A beggar. A nobody.
Messy. A follower. Alone. Stooping to conquer.
Less leverage. Less certainty.

But not for long…Nah…

Resilience is not automatic.
It’s born in these very rooms.

Like a sunflower in a storm, you have no idea how long you’ll have to withstand the blows.
But you must stay.
That’s how your roots deepen.
That’s how your brilliance emerges.

---

There are days I feel small. Demeaned. Insulted.
There are days my dreams feel bigger than me.
I want to scream. Cry. Throw up.
Give up. Work harder. All at once.

I look at my dreams and ask, “Why am I like this? Why do I keep adding more?”

I had no other outlet but to write.

And somewhere in there, I still have the fucked up mind to go dream some more.
To add more intentionality, perfection, more tasks, more expectations.

It’s like a drug.
Why?!

Nobody talks about this enough.

My reality is lagging behind my vision and I’m using that vision to judge my present. So it never feels like enough.
It always needs improvement. Always “almost.”

How can someone with a full internal vault still reject mediocrity?
Where do I get the audacity?
It’s laughable. And yet… I do.

I am overwhelmed.

But here I sit, telling myself the truth:
I don’t know how I’ll get through this.
But I must act on my dreams. And expecting it to be easy is what makes it harder than it already is
So I must show up.

If faith moves mountains, fear builds them.

The easiest thing to do would be to give up, but life doesn’t test the defeated.

And that’s how I know that I’m on the right track.

So bring it on…

I have to try.
I want bigger.
So I must face the tests that come with bigger.

I hope this letter helps you.🧡✨💫