Nighttime Thoughts

If I had only 24 hours left on Earth, what would I do?

…

If all I had left was a day… I would feel so many emotions, I would not even know where to begin.

Would I cry and lament at the 24 hours left?

Would I spring into action, speaking to people, sending messages of my final words, letting people know I loved them, or that they did me wrong?

Would I let go of everything that was on my mind? Would I go to bed, and just let the day go? How would I live if it was my last day on earth?

I would tell my chosen family that I loved them with every fibre of my being. I would tell them that they were the best part of me, and my legacy to the world. I would tell them how grateful I was for saving me in my darkest times and how much I admired them. I would let them know that the times we spent together were one of the happiest times of my life. And I loved the parts of them that complimented me and I hope I left something in them too. I would say “Thank you for protecting me”, for having my back, for teaching me how the world worked through their actions. I stand as a testament to their own little legacy that they left in me.

I would tell my mother “Thank you for everything”. I do not know what I would say here, because I think I have emptied myself to my mother, and that feels like a good thing. I would finally have no choice but to face my dad and finally speak. I would ask him what he was really going through during our time in the UK. I would ask him why he and my mum did not work out. I would ask him if he was proud of me, and what he truly thinks of me.

I would tell him that he was always right, even though I fought him for years about it. That he moulded me into what I needed to be to achieve my purpose. I would thank him for hatching the desire in me to want to learn, to be curious, to never feel like I know enough, to not have needs ( a gift many people in life do not have), how he gave me the desire for non-tangible things: excellence, respect, accomplishments, intelligence, integrity, honour, pride. He made me need nothing more than to be the best me I could be and for that, I owe him the biggest thank you, and the biggest apology.

I would write my little message. A final epistle to whoever reads it or stumbles on it. Probably on Substack lol. I would leave my last thoughts behind.

I would say that: You are here for one thing, one mission, one purpose.
It is your life’s journey to figure out what that is.
And the journey to figuring it out, is you figuring it out…
Because it is a never-ending journey.
The journey is the gift you leave this world with.
…Your own way of going on this ride of life, is the map you leave behind
That is the only reason you are still here, and though I may not fully know what it is, I believe that I am gone because one way or the other, I have achieved my mission on earth.
I have done the thing I was sent to do and it has left a legacy, an action, a feeling or a word in the hearts of many.

I would be scared to go. Because what is on the other side? I do not know. But I know there is something…something that is unexplainable, a known unknown. We are creators, spiritual beings. There is more, I know that for sure.

I would take a very long walk; I would like to see the sunrise and sunset, the ocean- and hear it, listen to it, feel the sun on my skin, I would like to touch water, feel the wind on my face. I would run…

How many hours have I got left…😂

To my friends, I may not leave long messages. The only thing I might send is “Thank you for joining me on this journey, I hope to see you in the next…and you still being my friend there,  I love you.”

If I had 24 hours left on earth, I would mourn the things I did not get to experience: seeing the Dolemites, watching “Salome” at the Vienna State Opera House, running a 42k marathon, true love, seeing Hans Zimmer live, planning my dream wedding, childbirth and seeing what my daughter would look like. I would cry…but then, I would also look back at the things I did get to experience: the wonderful memories, the amazing people, the incredible experiences. The insight, the gains, the joy, the pain, the lessons.

I came, I saw, I lived :)

My last thoughts would be hope, I hope I would have passed on all I have learned to others. That will be the true gift I would have left behind.

If I had one day to live, I would make the most of it.

I would spend more time talking, doing and saying more about how I truly feel.

…and this tells me a lot about what I need to do more of…