Is life passing me by?

This week, 3 (actually, 4) people have said the same thing to me. So clearly, I’m being warned.

I’ve had my head so far down in my work, I think I’ve changed a lot. I only look up to see the clouds, nothing else around me. Oh and tennis… That doesn’t make for an interesting life.

My mum made a comment this week: “Tutu, life is passing you by.”

She didn’t have to tell me, I knew… Look, last year, I was rebuilding my life from scratch. I lost everything. I had to almost start my life all over again. I did that. I set the company up. I worked my ass off to prove to myself that I could do this.

Then at the start of this year, I realized I had not worked on myself. Inner work was needed. I wanted to be better, to be more. I wanted to fix wounds, I wanted to improve on my existing model. I even deemed this year “The Routine to Greatness”. I turned myself into a machine, with strict routines. I said I did not have time for anything. And now, I see that I may have shut out the world.

I was so proud of this, but I felt it in my heart too, that you don’t have to work on yourself to the point that you miss out on life.

And then my mum made that passing comment again to stress her point:

“Tutu, your life is passing you by!” She had some good points. She said my life is all about work, I don’t stop to appreciate life. She said I was not who I used to be. She said she understands all that I am working towards, but is that really all I want my life to be about? She left me, I don’t know, sad and confused.

I argued a bit and told her what I was working for, so what happened to that? She disregarded it.

She said it is passing me by regardless of all the work, or whatever I am working towards.

…Is life passing me by?

I think she is right, I have been feeling this way, almost like I have lost sight of any other thing. But I am also conflicted because I know in my heart that I am in a season, and it is a season of building. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a social life, or I am now boring, I am still this fun person, but different times call for different parts of you. Right now, it’s head-down time. I do not want to lose sight of that, but I also have this tug to at least live a little.

I think she’s right. And the phrase “life is passing you by” is apt.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I now understand that you can have your head down without losing sight of what really matters. Cause when you come out of that head-down season, what are you coming out to?

As my mom left me with that, later on this same week, I had a conversation with my friend, and her opening remark struck me: “What’s wrong with you? Why are you hiding?” It hit hard because, in truth, no one is saying don’t lower your head and focus, but I believe there’s a danger in becoming too absorbed, neglecting vital aspects of life. When you’re in your own world, time stretches, thoughts spiral, and before you know it, you’ve cocooned yourself without realizing it.

Studying the life of Jesus, I found parallels to these contemplative seasons. His “head down” season, to my mind, was a period of deep spiritual connection, preparing him for his ministry. Yet, it didn’t mean he shut out the world. His focused time wasn’t devoid of friends and family. He even attended a wedding during his ministry, fulfilling his purpose while maintaining connections. His periods of introspection weren’t always about isolation

“Head down” season manifests differently for everyone. I recall a podcast where the host discussed her “saving season,” she shared that despite her financial goals, she still managed to strike a balance, finding ways to socialize with friends without overspending. She still went out with friends, just on a budget.

What I’m saying is I don’t want to come out of this season and realize that the things I’ve neglected or parts of myself I have neglected are lost or not there anymore.

Okay, but now, I have been so in my world, that I don’t know where to start from.

So, enter the third person who also felt I had been too in my world, my sister. She must have been waiting a while to say something because she had a truckload of advice and this is what she said:

1. You have to start by getting out of that routine you have. It has made you “robotize” your life. Throw that routine away and rebuild it.
2. Assess and rearrange your priorities: Look at everything you’re doing and see the things you have over-prioritized and under-prioritized.
3. Set clear boundaries for work times and relaxation times.
4. Try and do something basic for pure enjoyment, the sillier, the better. It doesn’t have to contribute to anything.
5. Socialize more: Slowly ease your way back into your friends’ lives - a funny video, a non-apologetic check-in call, catching up. This doesn’t include work colleagues! (Okay, damn…)
6. Plan a trip, even if it’s a nearby country or city.

After (lovingly) screaming at me, she ended with this:

Re-build and adjust your routine Tutu. It’s important to look at the routine you have and ask yourself: “Has this routine structured me but also allowed me to build memories? Has it only restricted me to a certain lifestyle?”. Build a routine for your work and not your life. You’re a gorgeous young woman who is just starting her 30s. You only need a routine for your work.

So, I am taking a step back and reprogramming my mind. Just because I am in this season to work on myself does not mean that is all I consume. Information overload has placed me in a shell that I need to come out of.

So here I am saying, she’s right, my mum is right, my friend is right, life has passed me by, and I have done enough reflection, self-work, introspection, and thinking… it is time to just live. I can do both. But sinking under all this information will never allow me to move.

Hold me accountable, please, and let me know your thoughts on this. Great advice is needed…