Memo

“Existential Ambition”

May 9, 2025 · Read on Substack

What do you call that sensation when you’re deeply grateful for your life, yet feel suffocated by how much more is out there?

Wondering how on earth you’ll fit your soul into the hours of a single life.

I felt it this week…

Like your soul is stretching beyond your skin.

Like you want to learn everything, achieve every dream, go everywhere, speak every language, live every life, and you can feel the world tugging at you from all sides?

…
That push-pull between contentment and curiosity?

You might think it’s restlessness or escapism, but I’ve come to realize, it’s existential ambition.

It’s not that we’re lost. It’s that we’re aware, vividly, painfully, beautifully aware, of how much life there is to live. We see how vast the world is. How many paths are possible. How many cultures exist. How many lives we could live in this one lifetime…

A strange, overwhelming energy had taken over. The kind that makes your chest feel both full and hollow. There is so much I want. So much I yearn for. So much I want to see, taste, achieve, feel, learn, do, explore, understand, and live. And all of it was pressing against the walls of my everyday life, trying to burst out.

A kind of restlessness that isn’t born from dissatisfaction, but from expansion. The world was calling my name in every language…

I want to travel to every country.
I want to learn every language. I want to learn the drums, play the piano…
I want to fall in love on a train in Italy, Shangai, or somehow find my way to Texas, and somehow have a dreamy Yoruba wedding, lol!
I want to study ancient philosophy, my “Want to Read” book list keeps increasing, I still want to play the violin, and skydive over the Swiss Alps. I want a doctorate…
I want to be a billionaire and still have time for tea and a slow morning meditation…and also be the wisest yogi that ever lived.
I want to host dinner parties in a house in the Dolomites and sip wine in Seville.
I want to know about Chinese medicine and foresight, global politics, and how the world really works.
I want to know how to live slowly and still change the world.

The thing is…I want to live it all!

But the clock ticks. The to-do list grows. And suddenly the dream feels… far. The world feels so big. And I, so small. A curious soul buried under the weight of its own curiosity.

The human soul may be infinite, but the human schedule is not.

How do we hold this? This ache? This longing?
How do we live without feeling like we’re missing out on our own lives?

And when that tension grows too loud, we can become paralyzed. Drowning in desire. Frozen by the weight of our own dreams.

So what do we do with this? That was me…

An overwhelming ache in my chest, not from sadness, but from wanting so much: to explore, to live, to know, to feel, to do. It felt like I was standing in the middle of a global buffet of life, and I couldn’t choose where to begin. It was beautiful. It was terrifying. And honestly, it left me exhausted.

So I sat with the feeling. I wrote it down. I asked for help. And now, I’m writing this…because maybe you’ve felt it too.

Let’s talk about it.

Name It:

Let’s call this what it is: Curiosity Overload. When you’re passionate about too many things…When the world feels like one big invitation…When your spirit says go, but your reality says wait…

You are not alone in this.
There are others like you quietly longing, quietly bursting at the seams.
There is a collective of us, living in the tension between contentment and calling.

We are the ones who want to build empires and also garden in the morning sun.
Who crave global conversations and local stillness.
Who want to own less but experience more.

…

I don’t have the perfect answer, but today, I found a bit of peace in something simple:

Maybe we are not meant to consume the world. Maybe we are meant to savour it.

To explore our interests slowly, intentionally, seasonally.

You don’t have to learn five languages this year.
You don’t have to travel to 30 countries by 35.
You don’t have to master everything by next weekend.

You’re allowed to move through life like a long conversation…not a speed date.

And the truth is, once you slow down, the richness deepens.

Build Your Curiosity Map:

Here’s what changed everything for me:
I created something I now call a Curiosity Map. Think of it like a mind-map or a personal wonder-guide. A place to pour all your longings, dreams, ideas, and “someday”s onto the page, so they stop spinning in your head.

Here’s how to create yours:

Grab a notebook or digital space.
Write “My Curiosity Map” at the top.
Create 4-7 main categories:
- Mindset (e.g., philosophy, emotional intelligence, stoicism, mindfulness)
- Culture (e.g., languages, travel dreams, music, art, traditions)
- Languages (e.g., Spanish, Mandarin, Hausa)
- Health (e.g., yoga, dance, nutrition, longevity, rest)
- Creative Expressions (e.g., dance classes, study film, art classes)
- Lifestyle & Big Dreams (e.g., work remotely while traveling, move into a new home)
- Love & Connection (e.g., network with one person daily, nurture a close friendship, find love)
Under each category, list everything you’re curious about.
Be specific and dreamy. Want to learn Italian cooking? Write it. Want to understand the Middle East? Write it. Want to skydive? Write that too.
Highlight the ones calling your name the loudest right now.
These are your “soul sparks.” You’ll return to them soon.

Create a Curiosity Calendar:

This is where it becomes tangible.

Instead of trying to do everything at once, give yourself one curiosity per month. Just one.

January: Learn the basics of Mandarin
February: Watch classical films from Italy
March: Take a beginner philosophy course
April: Study a country’s political history
May: Try a new movement class (pilates, dance, martial arts)

This doesn’t mean you’re abandoning the rest of your dreams. You’re making space for them to breathe. You’re building a life of depth, not just speed.

And the beautiful thing? Curiosity leads to clarity and as you explore more, you’ll start to see patterns. You’ll find your rhythm. You’ll find you.

One curiosity at a time. One month at a time. One brave breath at a time.

Let It Be Enough:

This might be the hardest part.

You’ll look around and see people doing more, going faster, living “bigger.”
But remember: your curiosity is not a competition. Your life is not a sprint.

Let each season of learning, exploring, or simply being be enough.

Some years you’ll travel. Some years you’ll stay still.
Both can be sacred.

Some months will be full of adventure. Some will be quiet.
Both matter.

You don’t have to do everything to feel everything.
You just have to stay open.

To The Galactic-Hearted: You, with the existential ambition. You, with the multipassionate mind…

If you’re someone who wants to read all the books, travel all the lands, learn all the skills, speak all the languages, and live all the lives…The truth is, we can’t consume the world all at once. We can’t do it all, see it all, or experience it all in one lifetime. But we can savour it.

You can live your life as a series of beautiful, soul-led discoveries.
Start small. Stay curious. Create your map. Follow one spark. Then another.

You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be. Exactly where the next beautiful chapter begins.

And trust that a life lived with wonder…no matter how “slow”…is a life well lived…

A lifelong love story between you and life itself.

Want Help Starting Your Curiosity Map?

I’ve made a **free Curiosity Map Notion Template & Calendar**with examples you can use to begin. Just “Duplicate as a Template”, and enjoy! And if this resonated, share it with someone who might be feeling the same overwhelming ache to live.

Remember, it doesn’t have to feel like a life overhaul. It’s not about scrapping everything you currently are or do. It’s about intentionally syncing your learning, consumption, experiences, and curiosity to the theme of the month.

We’re in this together.
One wonder at a time.

There is so much life ahead of you.

I will always wish you well 🧡✨💫